1. You can name all the ingredients that go into thum mak hoong.

2. At least one person drives a Honda in your family.

3. You got more than one generation living in your house.

4. Everyone in your house eats out of the same bowl.

5. Your gramps is making whiskey out of rocks and twigs.

6. You got a jar of fermenting fish heads in the bottom cabinet FOR THUM MAK HOONG.

7. You’ve climbed the neighbor’s tree while you were younger to satisfy the appetite for sour berries and hot sauce.

8. Your last name is a bazillion letters long and everyone jacks it up trying to pronounce it.

9.
You will get the smack down for wearing your shoes in the house…this
is to include your slippers with the three-headed elephant brand.

10. Your grandma has an Asian perm…think about it.

11. At one point, you must have helped a dad or an uncle slaughter a duck for bloody lap.

12. You or someone close to you has a Lao nickname of “short, fat, skinny….etc.”

13. Your parents dry meat in the back yard…sometimes on the clothesline.

14. You have a cousin that’s a thug.

15. Your brother/sister is a slut.

16. your parents trip when u get a B on a report card

17. In the summer time u turn hella dark (almost black).

18. Your parents play that karaoke sh*t, get drunk, talk hella loud, and make u clean sh*t up.

19. Rice goes with anything.

20. Your house smells weird.

21. You(guys) shave your head and eye brows and rock a robe when family dies.

22. You still wash dishes the old school way.

23. You hang ya damn clothes when u dry em.

24. Somebody ask u what u are and u go “lao” and they go “what the f**k is that?”

25. your parents yell at u for no damn reason.

26. You got a mechanic in the family.

27. You use to listen to freestyle/break beat bboy sh*t.

28. You were in the rave scene in the 90s.

29. Either has spiked hair or the bald cut (guys).

30. Girls got the reddish hair or black… or with streaks.

31. Your parents are secretly racist.

32. Chances r most of your parents escaped Laos to get over here.

33. You got sum strict ass parents.

34. You get pissed when people say your Filipino, Chinese, Viet, Japanese, etc… You got beef with Hmong people.

35. When there’s a party (birthday, marriage, baby shower… etc) usually all the adults are gambling.

36. your mom can’t say broccoli or various other words in english

37. You walk into the kitchen and open up a butter container and u end up finding smelly stuff in it.

38. Ur parents can handle hot ass thum mak houng and anything else spicy.

39. Your dad is old.

40. Your username has an X in it.

41. Someone in your family has a Lao first name.

42. Ur grandpa goes fishing.

43. Funerals are long.

44. Ur parents or u are driving and sum1 cuts u off or drives weird ,u have to cuss in lao.

45. You fail English class.

46. You hear the mock lock guy coming with his dice and mat.

47. You have pho every month or week.

48. You have a frozen fish in your freezer without a bag or anything.

49. You have too many cousins and forget their names sometimes.

50. you have a pile of flip-flops by each entrance to your house

51. you eat just about everything with your hands

52. you call everyone who’s lao “aunt” or “uncle”

53. nothing beats sitting on the floor eating sticky rice

54.You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry

55.
You’ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian
women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library

56. You’ve had to eat parts of animals they don’t even put in hot dogs

57. you’re still reading up to this point!

58. ur parents lie about ur age so that they get to pay less at a buffet

59. when ur parents think of Survivor as a free vacation

60. The weddings you go to have 600 people in attendance

61. When your last name has more than 7 letters.

62. When ur mom wears a “SIN” and goes to “Wat”.

63. you watch King of the Hill because they got a lao guy up in there!

64. your parents probably know everyone’s parents in this group, but you just cannot figure out who the hell they are!

65.
If you have 2 birthdays…your legitimate birthday and the one you chose
for immigration purposes (n/a for those of you born here!)

66. u gotta share a room with ur sister and brother

67. ur mom buys clothes 3x bigger than your size and say u can wear it next year

68. you have a garden in your backyard and there are no flowers in it

69. the number 9 is a lucky number (especially when
you’re playing cards…)

70. your last name has a useless “h” somewhere.

71. you bet on the Lotto 6/49 Bonus number

72. you eat khay louk

74. you know how to play 6 cards or tham dang (red card)

75. someone in your family sells “louk seen” (meat balls)

76. ur mom is stuck on the phone for 5 hours talking shit about other lao people

77. your grandma loves to KEAW MACK and miss the bucket because she cant see anymore cause she’s so old!

78. you have guests visiting and they sleep either in your room or on the living room floor

79. your mum ALWAYS talks freakin’ loud on the phone, like it has bad recpetion or something

80. you will still eat something that smells rotten and will make you run to the bathroom

81. you have a “Sat” (floor mat) in your house or in the trunk of your car…

82. you make homemade beef jerky on a dirty window screen

83. someone asks you your last name you reply by saying “Let me spell it for you.”

84. Every party or wedding you’ve been to has an OPEN BAR.

85. The family car has a knitted Kleenex box protector.

86. when you mention the word “laotian”.. your friends say “what? ocean?”

87. when your parents dont believe in air conditioning– they’re immune to heat

88. when ur ashamed to have friends over when you eat dry squid. (smells raunchy but sure tastes good!)

89. when your parents speak french better than english at times

90. you have a decked out karaoke machine in your living room

91. your house has too many fake flowers

92. your good friends know all the top swears

93. you leave the house when your mom is frying dry peppers — you dont want to cough to death

94. you lie to your friends about certain meats that ur eating

95. you didnt notice there was no #73 on this list

96. You feel the need to purchase big screen TVs (Sony preferably) and Louis Vuitton Handbags to impress other laotions

97. Your liquors of choice are Courvosier and Henessy

98. You have that uncle in your family who always drinks too much, makes a fool of himself and the family and turns really RED

99.
When you burn yourself, your parents’ remedy is to apply toothpaste
directly to the burn and vicks vapour rub cures everything else

100. You eat moo foy in a rice bun

101. Your grandpa calls you “buk hum”

102. You don’t use a showerhead, instead, the bucket that’s in the tub

103. Someone in the family has a kitchen in the garage or…

104. Your mom does most of her cooking in the backyard on a gas burner

105. Your dad made little wooden seats out of planks so you can sit/squat a few inches off the ground

106. You have black and white photos of your unhappy grandparents

107. You talk to your cat/dog in Lao

108. You wrap pants around your neck to see if they’ll fit your waist

109. You were young, your mom used to chew your food for you…ew

110. The first thing your grandma asks you is, “gin kaow la bor?” (have you eaten) and anyone else who walks in the house

111. You get yelled at by your family for not eating a chicken wing bone dry

112. You like to *Enter Explicit Here* your papayas

113. when there is wet underwear or bras hanging to dry in the bathroom cuz the older folks bathe in their underwear

114. when you eat solid square clumps of blood in your congee

115. your dad plugs one nostril and blows out the other to clear his nose in public…ew again

116. your remote control is covered in Saran wrap

117. you would rather sit on the floor than the comfy-ass couch when watching karaoke

118. you have a three-headed elephant somewhere in the house

119. you say ur Thai to avoid any unwanted confusion

120. you own three or more DVD players

121.
you are parked along a non-paid parking meter then your mom tells you
to wait in the car for a bit. She returns an hour later

122. you pay for coffee using pennies, nickels, dimes

123. you have proper technique when slapping cards on the table!

124. You enter another Laotian’s house without knocking

125. You’ve tried to powerbomb your little brother/cousin

126. you’ve played then yang

127. you have black n white pics of ur unhappy grandparents

128. you own “that” silverware

129. you talk to your pets in Lao

130. when the first thing ur grandma asks you is “gin
kaow la bor?”

131. your mom leaves meat out to dry on a rack using a fan

132. your mom chewed your food for u when u were little (sticky rice and beef jerky!)

133. you wake up in the morning to the smell of sticky rice and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner

134. your friends find sticky rice on random parts of ur body and clothes

135. your keyboards are set to input lao or thai characters

136. your family goes to laos and come back with tons of fake brand-name purses

137. you get 25 cents for every white hair you pull from your mom’s hair

138. your dad plugs one nostril and blows out the other to clean his nose..in public

139. you have a gold temple style ornament with multiple long red strings hanging from your rear view mirror in your car

140. you eat solid square clumps of blood in your congee

141. there is wet underwear/bras hanging in the bathroom ’cause the older folks bath in their underwear

142. you like to “fack” your papayas LOL

143. you have no use for a food processor ’cause u smash, grind, mix everything in your “kok”

144. you get yelled at for not eating every shred of meat off a bone (plus the bone marrow and cartilage itself)

145. you were the only 2 yr old rockin gold jewelry

146. your old man offers shots of whiskey to visitors and everyone drinks from the same shot glass

147. you can read this list and laugh at it

148. you have a proper technique of slapping cards on a table

149. all the males try to powerbomb their little brother/cousin

150. you park along a non-paid parking meter and your mom tells you to wait in the car a “bit” and comes back an hr later

151. u pay for coffee with pennies, nickels and dimes

152. you enter another lao person’s house without knocking

153. ur remote control is covered in seran wrap

154. ud rather sit on the floor than a comfy ass couch when watching karaoke

155. you have a three-headed elephany somewhere in the house

156. you own three or more dvd players

157. you mention ur near thailand to avoid more unwanted confusion

158. when you dance with ur hands (aka fawn)

159. you run out of space filling out forms

160. your grandparents tie white strings around your wrist for good luck

161. your parents spend hrs lecturing you on one subject and keep repeating the same thing again..and again..and
again

162.
a lao kid is getting married and the mom inviteds 500 of her closest
relatives and leaves you with only 100 for your friends and partners
side

163. you eat crab apples or mango with spicy jaeo

164. your parents drink black label with pepsi

165. moms are gambling and you grew up hearing “OOOOOOOOOOIIYY”

166. you have a new baby cousin and they sing “thing noy noy” while bouncing them on their knees

167. your grandma won’t buy things over 5 dollars ’cause its too expensive

168. your mom tries to yell at you and thinks she speaks good english and makes a fool out of herself

169. your parents get mad at you and call you “ee nah mah”

170. you celebrate new yrs 7 times a year

171. a white person comes to ur house and someone tries to tell them everything “tastes like chicken”

172. you introduce everyone in your family as an aunt or uncle

173. your car smells ur house..wich smells like the chinese market

174. you’ve memorized the number to order at the pho restaurant

175. your mom goes to “han lao” to buy food and lottery

176. someone tries to guess ur nationality.. an hr later you have to tell them ur lao

177. relatives ask u to step on their back

178. your taller than ur parents

179. ur parents never get ur age right

180. ur parents say 30 mins and it really means 2 hrs when u ask them to go home from a party

181. u have half a chicken wing and a spoonful of rice in ur fridge

182. every song ur parents listen to sound exactly the same

183. ur own kids wont be able to speak laos

184.
ur parents say ur losing the language because u speak too much english,
but wen mail comes or phone calls are made YOU are the translator

185. ur dads outside drinking and ur mom is inside playing cards at a party

186. u talk smack about the ppl right beside u to someone else in lao HAHA

187. wen ur part of a lao group n someone talks shit about it u stand up for it!!!!

When I go in Sun, I black ເມື່ອຂ້າພະເຈົ້າຖືກແດດ ຂ້າພະເຈົ້າກໍ່ຍັງຄົງຜິວດຳ

When I scared, I black ເມື່ອຂ້າພະເຈົ້າຢ້ານ ຂ້າພະເຈົ້າກໍ່ຍັງຄົງຜິວດຳ

When I sick, I black ເມື່ອຂ້າພະເຈົ້າປ່ວຍ ຂ້າພະເຈົ້າກໍ່ຍັງຄົງຜິວດຳ

And when I die, I still black ແລະເມື່ອຂ້າພະເຈົ້າຕາຍ ຂ້າພະເຈົ້າກໍ່ຍັງຄົງມີຜິວສີດຳ

And you white fellow ແລະຕົວທ່ານ… ເພື່ອນມະນຸດຜິວຂາວ

When you born, you pink ເມື່ອທ່ານເກີດມາ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີບົວ

When you grow up, you white ເມື່ອທ່ານໃຫຍ່ຂຶ້ນ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີຂາວ

When you go in sun, you red ເມື່ອທ່ານຖືກແດດ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີແດງ
When you cold, you blue ເມື່ອທາງໜາວ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີຟ້າ

When you scared, you yellow ເມື່ອທ່ານມີຄວາມຢ້ານ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີເຫລືອງ
When you sick, you green ເມື່ອທ່ານປ່ວຍ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີຂຽວ

And when you die, you gray ແລະເມື່ອທ່ານຕາຍ ທ່ານມີຜິວສີເທົາ

And you calling me colored?? ເຊັ່ນນີ້ແລ້ວທ່ານກັບເອີ້ນຂ້າພະເຈົ້າວ່າຄົນຜິວສີ??

ວ່າຊິຕິດຕັ້ງກ້ອງວົງຈອນປິດ ແຕ່ວ່າຍັງບໍ່ມີສາຍ ກ້ອງມັນມີ 8 ຕົວ ຕ້ອງຕິດຕັ້ງອ້ອມ ໆ ສະຖານທີ່ ລາກສາຍໄປມາ ຫນ້າຈະໃຊ້ຄວາມຍາວປະມານ 50 ແມັດ ແຕ່ວ່າໂທຖາມຢູ່ວຽງແລ້ວເພິ່ນບໍ່ວ່າ ສາຍ AV ຂະຫນາດ 2 ແມັດລາຄາ 15,000 ກີບ!! ຄິດມາແລ້ວຫນັກໃຈ ດ້ານສາຍສອງແມັດຍັງ 15 ພັນແລ້ວ ເອົາເປັນ 50 ແມັດຊິປານໃດ

ອືມ ບາງທີຕ້ອງປ່ຽນໃຊ້ສາຍ Cable ເອົາ ແຕ່ວ່າຖ້າໃຊ້ Cable ມັນຕ້ອງປ່ຽນຫົວແຈັກພ້ອມ ຕ້ອງລອງໂທໄປຖາມຢູ່ທ່າສະເດັດກ່ອນວ່າເຂົາມີຫົວແຈັກແບບ Cable ບໍ່

ເຂົ້າໃຈວ່າ ຊ່ວງຫລັງນີ້ຄົງຈະເລີ່ມມາຈັດສັນບ້ານເມືອງອີກຄັ້ງຫນຶ່ງ ແລະອາດຈະໄປກ່ຽວຂ້ອງກັບງານກິລາທີ່ຈະຈັດຂຶ້ນ ໃນຊ່ວງເດືອນຫນ້ານີ້ນຳ ແຕ່ວ່າ ໃນຄວາມເປັນຈິງແລ້ວ ເຂົາເຮັດແບບນີ້ມັນແປກໆ ການທີ່ເຈົ້າຫນ້າທີ່ຈາກ ມໍລະດົກ ມາບອກໃຫ້ຍ້າຍປ້າຍ ຫລືປ່ຽນປ້າຍ (ລືມເລົ່າໄປວ່າ ຢູ່ຫລວງພະບາງ ປ້າຍຮ້ານຕ້ອງມີຊື່ພາສາລາວຂຶ້ນກ່ອນ ແລ້ວຈຶ່ງຕາມດ້ວຍພາສາອື່ນ) ແຕ່ລະຄັ້ງນັ້ນ ຈັ່ງແມ່ນວ່າ ບໍ່ເປັນທາງການຈັກຫນ້ອຍເລີຍ ມີແຕ່ໃຫ້ຄົນມາເວົ້າໆໆໆໆ​ບາງກໍ່ມີທຳທ່າລັກສະນະຂູ່ເຂັນຊ້ຳ ແທນທີ່ຊິເຮັດຫນັງສືມາດິບດີ ຫລືອາດມີການປະຊຸມຊີ້ແຈງ ແລະວາງລະບຽບທີ່ຊັດເຈນໃຫ້ທຸກຝ່າຍເຂົ້າໃຈ ແຕ່ກໍ່ບໍ່ເຮັດ

ຫລວງພະບາງກໍ່ເປັນແຕ່ແບບນີ້ແຫລ່ະ ຈຶ່ງບອກວ່າ ໂດຍສ່ວນຕົວແລ້ວ ບໍ່ຢາກເປີດຮ້ານພວກນີ້ ເຖິງລາຍໄດ້ຈະດີ ລາຍຮັບຈະດີ ແລະບາງຄັ້ງ ລາຍເຫລືອຈະດີ ແຕ່ວ່າ… ເງິນບໍ່ແມ່ນທຸກຢ່າງຂອງຊີວິດ!! ຫາກຊິໃຫ້ໃຊ້ຊີວິດແບບນີ້ ສູ້ໄປເປີດຮ້ານນ້ອຍໆ ເຮັດໃນສິ່ງທີ່ເຮົາຖະນັດ ແລະຮັກດີກວ່າ ຈະໄດ້ມີເວລານັ່ງຟັງທັມມະ ມີເວລານັ່ງສະມາທິ ແລະໄດ້ຊ່ວຍເຫລືອຜູ້ຄົນອື່ນ ຂໍພຽງແຕ່ມີຊີວິດແບບຮຽບງ່າຍ ພໍຢູ່ພໍກິນ ດີກວ່າຈະມີເງີນຫລາຍໆ ແຕ່ວ່າຕ້ອງຄອຍຫ່ວງວ່າເງິນທີ່ເຮົາຫາມາໄດ້ນີ້ຈະເສັຍໄປ ຫ່ວງວ່າເງິນນີ້ຈະມີອັນຕ້ອງຈິບຫາຍ ມີໂຈນມາເອົາໄປ ມີຍາດມິດທີ່ຊັງເຮົາມາເອົາໄປ ແບບຫລັງນີ້ ບໍ່ມີດີກວ່າ

ຈະມີຢູ່ຕອນຫນຶ່ງ ທີ່ວ່າພະເອກເອົາດອກໄມ້ໃຫ້ນາງເອກ ແຕ່ນາງເອົາບໍ່ເອົາ ພະເອກເກີດນ້ອຍໃຈ ເລີຍເອົາດອກໄມ້ຖິ້ມຖັງຂີ້ເຫຍື້ອຊ້ຳ ແລ້ວຊາດ… ແຕ່ວ່າ… ດອກທີວ່ານັ້ນ ມັນຄື… ດອກຈຳປາ!! ນັ້ນແລ ຕົ້ນເຫດຂອງບັນຫາລ່ະ ດອກຈຳປາ ເປັນດອກໄມ້ປະຈຳຊາດເຮົາ ທາງກະຊວງເພິ່ນເຫັນວ່າ ມັນບໍ່ເຫມາະສົມ ກໍ່ເລີຍຢາກໃຫ້ເອົາໄປແກ້ກ່ອນ ແກ້ແລ້ວໆ ຄ່ອຍມາວ່າກັນໃຫມ່

ນອກຈາກນັ້ນ ກໍ່ຍັງມີຫລາຍໆ ປະເດັນທີ່ກ່ຽວຂ້ອງ ແຕ່ສະຫລຸບແລ້ວກໍ່ຄື ທາງລາວເຮົາ ບໍ່ຢາກໃຫສາຍ ຂໍໃຫ້ໄປແກ້ບົດລະຄອນໃຫມ່ກ່ອນ ແກ້ແລ້ວໆ ມາພິຈາລະນາໃຫມ່ອີກຮອບ ຖ້າຜ່ານ ກໍ່ຄ່ອຍສາຍ

ທີ່ມາ – INN